What is the Torah Role of a Woman?

by Rabbi David E. Eidensohn

1. 

The bible begins "In the beginning." In Hebrew that is בראשית. That word in Hebrew can be broken into two words בית ראש that means "the house is first." The beginning of a book, says Rabbi Elijah of Vilna, is the essence of the book. Thus, the essence of the bible, or the Torah, is "the house is first" or the primary function of the female. Who is the parent in the house? Who raises the children? It is the wife. Thus, the female is the person indicated by "the house is first." To merit this very lofty and holy position, as the key to Creation and family, a woman must set a very high and holy standard in her behavior. 

2. 

The role of the women began before Adam and Eve, with the Creation of the Sun and the Moon. The Sun was "male" and the Moon was "female." The Sun and the Moon were created equal in the ability to shine a great light over the entire earth. The Moon objected to G-d that "two kings cannot share the same crown." She wanted to be the major light and the Sun to be a minor light. G-d argued with the Moon about this and told her, "Go and diminish yourself." The Moon was very disappointed and argued. G-d suggested various ways to appease her, but the Moon insisted time and again that she must be the major luminary. Finally, G-d said, "Bring a sacrifice for Me because I diminished the Moon."

The meaning of this is that the Moon was an angelic force, there being no people at that time before the creation of Adam and Eve. She was "female" in the sense that the female is one of the two major forces of JUSTICE and MERCY. The "female" is JUSTICE and the "male" is MERCY. In a world of mercy wicked people are not punished readily and they can take over the world, as we see in our times. But a world filled with JUSTICE would punish the wicked immediately. This would sanctify G-d's Name by destroying evil, whereas MERCY would profane G-d's Name by supporting the wicked. Therefore the "female" Moon battled against the "male" Sun being dominant or even equal to her. But G-d wanted a world where all people can thrive and hopefully will repent. But in a world of JUSTICE there is little time to repent. The sinner can be struck down before he repents.Therefore, G-d recognized the good intention of the Moon, but still, He wanted a world of penitence, even if it favored the wicked.

G-d told the Moon, "You want to sanctify My Name by destroying evil people and evil things. You want to blaze your light over the world so nothing but holiness exists. I suggest something else for you, a higher level. 'Go and diminish yourself.'"

In this world, G-d said, those who have a greater portion in the Future World eventually must diminish themselves in this world. This is the lot of the Jewish people, to be diminished, as the smallest of nations and suffer greatly. But in the Future World, things will be much, much different. Then, and only then, will the righteous be rewarded and the wicked truly punished. And the pleasures there are real pleasures and the punishments are real punishments.

Precisely because the woman is so lofty and the beginning of Creation, she must be diminished in this world. Just as the Jewish people must be diminished to achieve their true greatness, so must the female. Anyone great in this world is lacking in the preparation for the Future World, where all true goodness and punishment is.

The female must recognize her lofty elevated status, as the Jews do, as one of "Go and diminish yourself." This diminishing is to attain the Future World and its mighty eternal pleasures.

3. 

Rambam, Maimonides, tells us that "A man must love his wife as he loves himself. But he must honor his wife more than he honors himself." This, says the Kabbalistic classic Raishis Chochmo, means that in spending money, the priority is to the needs or "honor" of the wife, not the husband.

 "Love" is in Hebrew אהבה, whose numerical value is 13, the same as the Hebrew word אחד or "one." When people are "one" with each other, neither is higher than the other. This is loving one's wife as himself, as they are "one." But honoring the wife requires a higher level, not that they are "one" but that the husband defers to the wife that she, not he, must have what she needs, even if the husband goes without.

Honor, in Hebrew is כבוד that is the numerical equal of the word לב or "heart." Thus, a husband must love his wife as they are "one body" with nobody superior to the other. But his "heart" the central organ of his likes and dislikes, must defer to the wife so that the husband honors her over himself, not as if they are one.

4.

Male and female are to marry, become "one" and propagate. "Be fruitful and multiply." We have discussed above about "love" and "honor." "Love" is between the two, husband and wife, as they merge to become "one flesh." "Honor" is when the husband sees in his heart the lofty level of his wife and he defers to her, that she is higher than he is. At the same time, as Maimonides writes, the wife is also playing the same song, of honoring and loving her husband. So who is the winner? Who is the king? Who has the power?

In my house, years ago, in my youth, I had the energy to speak at the Sabbath table to my family for extended periods, and the remarks were usually about two things: One, honoring women, and two, ignoring the bad habits of our surroundings, especially those bad habits that are rooted in idealism.

My wife is a very strong Polish lady, and when she heard about honoring women she decided to reciprocate. I eventually wrote a book about this reciprocation that it is the secret of a good marriage. My book is "Secret of the Scale" and it is about the ancient scales that were two plates attached to strings that hung from a higher stick. These two scales rose and fell. When one scale rose, the other scale declines. Never do both sales go up or down together.

In marriage, husband and wife take turns honoring the other one. When the husband ends up on top, he says, "What am I doing here" and honors his wife and descends making her rise. Then she looks around and says, "What am I doing here" and descends making him rise. Marriage is a cycle of reciprocity. A marriage where people compete to honor the other one is a very happy marriage.

5. 

A female thrives on "the house is first" our opening remarks. But there are rules about "the house is first." The house is the natural dimension of a woman with a lofty soul who detests evil and the opposite of holiness. The man can succeed in the street but not the female. Just as the Jewish people are very restricted in what they may do in their lives by the Torah, so women, the "house is first" people are only able to maintain their sacred level by being a people of the house and family. Once they imitate men and go into the street they are in danger.

A man, Adam, was created from dirt. But his wife, Eve, was created form his bone in his chest, near his heart. She is thus much higher than he is. But this special holiness cannot exist in the street. 

Today there is a great discussion about drafting women into the army, or at least, having all women register for the draft or national service of whatever the government wants. This is a great violation of the holiness of women. Men belong in the street and they belong in the army, but not women. The Talmud says that when two women prophets became leads of the Jewish people, they were given names of shame for leaving their private quarters and entering the public domain. One was called Deborah that means "a bee." And the other was called Chulda that means a "mole." There was never a Jewish leader who equalled Deborah the Prophetess. And yet, if she had not gone into the public dimension she would have been higher, something that we cannot readily comprehend, because in her time the Jewish people were successful spiritually and militarily, as she led the armies. What can be better than that? But if we don't understand, we don't understand what a woman loses when she leaves her natural "house" surrounding to behave like a man.

6.

Great forces in America are ready to force all women to register for the draft and eventually go with men to battle areas. For women to join men in the army or anywhere else is a terrible violation of female Torah behavior. Senior rabbis in Israel fought the Israeli government when it attempted to force women into the army and they succeeded. Today, religious women are not drafted in the Israeli army. There is a law called Shairus Leumi or National Service that is not a military duty but a duty to help as the government assigns people that does, on paper, call for all women to register and obey. But it has not been enforced for Orthodox girls.

Women in America, including Orthodox Jewish women and moral ladies of other religions who know that living among male soldiers means being seduced and even raped, just as they do in colleges, will have a terrible problem with this. Rabbis in Israel have called drafting women a violation of a cardinal sin that can require martyrdom, whatever that means. The rule is, that any time a woman is under the authority of a non-family member, that is a problem. For the government to have the power to order a woman to go here and there and do this and that, even if it is simply to read the bible, is a violation of female sanctity of a very serious nature.